Bill Gates / Jerry Seinfeld Ad

There has been a lot of talk about the new Microsoft Ads. Many people hate them, which is no surprise, and they certainly are odd, but I offer this analysis of one way in which I think they are going to be highly successful.

Who looks like the computer nerd in these frames?

From left to right (top to bottom): "Bill Gates," "PC guy," and "Mac guy". Umm... exactly 2-3 of these guys look like the IT nerds I know. The third one (the guy on the (bottom) right) looks vaguely like Zach Braff, which is a different kind of geeky that has nothing to do with AV clubs and everything to do with Hollywood. Real IT guys are: fat, inappropriately dressed, have lame haircuts, etc...

They shop at places like this:

I, for example, shop at Shoe Barn most of the time, because it's cheaper and you can't tell the difference between my Shoe Barn shoes and expensive shoes. When I am going to buy (or build) a computer, the first thing I look at is the price/performance charts for CPUs. If you ask a Mac owner what CPU her Mac has, she rarely knows.

This is how a computer guy buys shoes:

Computer guys eat churros:

Computer guys sometimes have health problems. They do not work out enough or eat right. This is part of being a computer guy. What the hell is the Mac guy wearing? He's coke-addict skinny and it appears he's wearing a collarless Kung-Fu-the-Legend-Continues shirt. Who would win in a fight between these two guys? No contest, the bigger guy wins. He also appears to have his original digital watch from 1985 and a cheaper haircut. So, he wins the fight and he saves money.

The Apple Ads have always pissed me off because a) they make fun of me, b) they are about how getting a Mac makes you "cool", c) they are factually inaccurate and misleading, and d) they aren't funny, they're just smug.

This one says, "Unless you become a Mac user you can't get that Japanese girl that you want." WTF:? A) This is not true, I am living proof, and B) Why do you fall for this crap? Getting a Mac will make girls like you? That's why you like Macs? Aren't you insulted that a computer company would market to you that way instead of like... reading off performance specs? I am. That (ceasing to care about what's under the hood so you can get a fancier outside to impress girls) is not a computer-guy thing to do. It's like driving around in a Passat with the top down because it'll make chicks like you. This is not a real car. Real car people do not buy those.

Real computer guys eat pizza all night, drink soda with both sugar and caffeine, don't wear fancy clothes, are moderately anti-social, play video games all the time, have no clue where to get that black collarless shirt, shop at the Shoe Circus, and usually don't have girlfriends (but when they get them, it is never because of their Macintosh). Computer guys should learn only enough about Macs to help girls (that buy them because they're pretty) fix them when they're broken (which is always) in order to aid in getting laid. Furthermore, while fixing these computers in hopes of getting laid, computer guys should berate Macs for always being broken and to discourage superficial behavior on the part of women.

PS I had to watch all the Mac Ads on YouTube because either apple.com or quicktime (or probably both) were broken this morning.

PPS Please note: I am no great fan of Microsoft, either, but their commercials are less annoying (and more accurate in their depiction of reality) than Apple commercials.

PPPS Also, my computer nerdry is unassailable, so don't get any ideas: I taught myself how to program when I was 7. I have built more computers than you have owned. I have been an IT guy and a software developer. I am totally impatient with you when you can't operate your computer. I know at least 8 programming languages. I used to work inside semiconductor factories. I was the king of BBS games. I work at Google. I now also work at nvidia, which makes graphics cards that are basically only used for computer games. My greatest fear and aspiration is that I will (accidentally) develop an evil AI. My roommate and I made an online cockfighting ring that we made money off of. I have released my own shareware, I have installed many distros of Linux, and I currently have 2 desktops and 4 laptops in my room.